Yes, I am powerless...and it is good.

The English language is the most difficult language to learn and filled with words that are beautiful, ugly, harsh, scary, peaceful. There are words with multiple definitions and spellings. Words that aren't even true words. And with the addition of slang, we have nearly a new language in and of itself. I have to laugh when I hear some of the things said today.

One word that I find particularly interesting and one that I absolutely love  is the word powerless. Perhaps it is because I have spent 20 years in 12 step programs building a foundation of learning, understanding, hope, resilience and, yes, powerlessness. After a lifetime of constantly striving to control and manipulate things to work according to my will, I find great comfort in the awareness and acceptance that I am truly powerless over people, places and things. Even myself, at times.


Webster defines pow·er·less as (pou r-l s) devoid of strength or resources; lacking the authority or capacity to act. I consider this definition a bit trite. There is so much more to this powerlessness that people fear so desperately. On the surface, powerless can be as Webster states "devoid of strength or resources", but as the layers are gently peeled back there is layer upon layer of immeasurable strength and seeds for opportunities of growth.

Step one of the 12 Steps to Recovery states, "We admitted we were powerless over (_____________)- that our lives had become unmanageable". Wow, that is so freeing. Try it! Fill in the blank. I am a recovering co-dependent, so my blank is filled with names: my mom and her drinking; my dad and his absence; my husband and his smoking; my son and his addictions to gaming, pot, alcohol and bad choices, my other children and their choices. I could also put in that blank: food, crazy drivers on the road, my boss, and so much more. When I humbled myself, surrendered myself to my Heavenly Father, when I gave Him ultimate control, I accepted my powerlessness. In that powerlessness, I found peace, contentment, humility, a true connection with God that I had never experienced before and so much strength. The strength that makes you feel like David when he struck down Goliath the giant. The strength that makes you feel like you can conquer the world. 

So to those who run from powerlessness and cling to control and manipulation, I understand, I've been there. But please, I implore you,  there is so much more to this life. Rest in the knowing that control can only get you stressed and frustrated with "sun breaks" of peace. Acceptance of our powerlessness brings us prone before our Lord and open to learn and to grow in Him and for Him. With that humbleness and humility we can be our most authentic selves in this world, changing people, places and things along our journey.