Thursdays are not just a day in the week for me! They are what keep the air in my lungs, the joy in my heart and the laughter in my spirit. Why? Well, it is the night where I am free to spend time with me, with God and with 4 amazing women.
At 5:00 I drop my youngest off at karate and I do not go home, do not pass go or collect $200. I find a park or parking lot and spend the next hour or so, praying, reading, reflecting, listening to music or just playing on facebook. By 6:20 I am en-route to my friend and now sister Lindsay's house. What was coined originally as a Bible study group has been so much more for me. It has truly been a life-changing group of women experiencing grief, loss, joy, laughter and most of all growth.
We started as a group of strangers that thought the book "Changes that Heal" might be helpful in managing our lives today and perhaps make an acquaintance or 2. I had no idea what God had in store for me personally. In going through the first few chapters of the book, I was taken to my knees emotionally as I peeled down to the core of myself and examined why and how my lack of bonding in the early years has affected everything in my life. Every choice, every action, every feeling....everything. While I had been taken to my knees, I remained reserved and quiet, guarded even. How could I trust these women with me? The good, the bad and the very ugly! They couldn't possible like me if they knew the real me...the ugly insides I share with no one except my husband.
The complete vulnerability and honesty of another woman in the group and the reactions of the others toward her, my shell of protection shattered. As a result of her action(s) I was freed from the bondage of fear. I finally began sharing and eventually growing. It has seemed an eternity of walking through the driest of deserts like a war refugee with emotions raw and exposed. I truly never thought I would come out the other side. At times, I have thought that maybe I even deserved to be in constant pain. No, God has never forsaken me. He has carried me through the desert and today I have the most loving and beautiful friends and sisters I could have imagined. They have prayed for me and carried my burdens as I have worked through the pains of my past, the pains and struggles of my present and the worries of the future. They are surely my strength when I am weak.
After my Thursday night with the girls, usually ending around 10:00pm, I am physically and emotionally spent, so melancholy regarding my wayward son creeps in. When I feel strong, I allow that emotion to come forward. The grief is usually not overwhelming any longer, so I casually look for him on the streets of Bend as I drive home. Allowing myself to pray for him. I can do this only because God and my girls keep me strong. I wrap up my prayers as I pull into the drive, go inside and go to bed. I sleep soundly.
So God has this amazing plan that I could never have imagined. The intricacies of the things we have in common and the immeasurable growth that is occurring in each of us is breathtakingly beautiful. So much that I can no longer imagine life any differently. So Thursdays are not just another day for me. They mean healing, growth, love and so much more!
I love Thursdays!
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